When I grow up I wanna be a blues guitar legend

I never get tired of watching this clip!  This woman is bloody amazing on the guitar, a real talent! Makes me want to pick it up and play a few chords ... both of them that I know haha  I love how she waves at someone off camera at 2:00 and just keeps on rockin'!  You go girl!

Her name is Joanna Connor ... http://www.joannaconnorband.com/

Photo Flashback: My Girl Minka

The first dog I had as an adult was a boxer I adopted from Boxer Rescue Canada.  Her name was Minka.  She and I definitely had our moments, mostly good but a few that were not so good.  When I moved overseas I decided to rehome her rather than bring her along and a very nice couple (guardian angels!) who had recently lost their boxer took her in.  She was in good hands!  From time to time they sent me pictures and updates, she was definitely living the dream!

 

In 2010 as I was packing up to move back to Canada, they sent me a sad email letting me know that they had made the hard decision to put her to sleep.  When she still lived with me she developed tumours in her throat that were inoperable but not causing her any problems.  However they eventually did progress to the point where they were affecting her quality of life.  She was 13 years old.

 

These pictures are from 2003(?) when my (now ex-)boyfriend and I took her for a run/rollerblade around Glenmore park.  It was a very long day for her, the poor thing just laid down in the grass about 50 meters from the truck would not go any further.  I carried her the rest of the way.

 

 

A couple of new photos of Cash and Cruz

The Boys.

Cruz: We should really find a new place to poo.
Cash: Yeah.  I think I see a spot over there!

Cruz: Seriously?  Zebra print? This is not Africa!  I look ridiculous.

Me:  Sorry but that`s what was on sale.  Deal with it.

Cash: Does this blanket make me look fat?
Me: Yes. That`s because you ARE fat!

The Struggle Bus Update: What a difference a day can make!

A huge weight has been lifted, I finally got a job!  Yay!  I had an interview yesterday which didn`t seem particularly promising at the start but towards the end of the meeting, the big boss said the job is mine if I want it.  That caught me off guard and a little unprepared!

I`ve held my certificate as a Building Safety Codes Officer for a several years but wasn`t very successful at it.  I am just not `salesy` enough to find new clients and build that as a business.  This new job eliminates that, I can focus on what I do best.  Life can now move forward on a whole bunch of ways that were stalled because of my floundering career. The job doesn`t pay quite as much as I`d hoped and I still have to prove myself but in many ways its an opportunity that is even better than I could have asked for.

I may not be getting off the struggle bus for a bit longer  ... but the bus is slowing down and maybe, just maybe, it will slow down enough so I can step off :-D

Don't give up -- you're not beaten yet

This evening, I came across this version of the Peter Gabriel song, "Don't Give Up" and I think the Universe is finally sending me a word of encouragement (via Facebook no less!)  I've always loved that song, I haven't heard it in a long time and the lyrics are eerily fitting for where I'm at right now -- both the dark and the light.  And I love this version, its *almost* better than the original with Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush.  I don't share Pink's sentiments at the beginning about being useless when happy and pain as a motivator ... but I sure love her voice.  John Legend's voice is so smooth.  And I could listen to Herbie Hancock on the piano all day long.

Don't Give Up

In this proud land we grew up strong, we were wanted all along.

I was taught to fight, taught to win.  I never thought I could fail.

No fight left or so it seems. I am a man whose dreams have all deserted.

I've changed my face, I've changed my name but no one wants you when you lose.

 

Don't give up 'cause you have friends.
Don't give up, you're not beaten yet.
Don't give up. I know you can make it good.

 

Though I saw it all around, never thought I could be affected.
Thought that we'd be the last to go.  It is so strange the way things turn.

Drove the night toward my home, the place that I was born, on the lakeside.
 As daylight broke, I saw the earth, the trees had burned down to the ground.

 

Don't give up, you still have us.
Don't give up, we don't need much of anything.
Don't give up 'cause somewhere there's a place where we belong.

 

Rest your head you worry too much.
It's going to be alright.
When times get rough you can fall back on us.
Don't give up. Please, please don't give up.

 

'Got to walk out of here, I can't take anymore.
Gonna stand on that bridge, keep my eyes down below.
Whatever may come and whatever may go,
That river's flowing. That river's flowing.

 

Moved on to another town, tried hard to settle down.
For every job, so many men, so many men no-one needs.

 

Don't give up 'cause you have friends.
Don't give up, you're not the only one.
Don't give up. No reason to be ashamed. 

Don't give up, you still have us.
Don't give up now. We're proud of who you are.
Don't give up, you know it's never been easy.
Don't give up no matter what you do 

Don't give up 'cause I believe there's a place.
There's a place where we belong.

Riding the Struggle Bus

I don't usually scam graphics from other people's blogs but this one just fits the mood d'jour and so I did it.  I stole it.  And I'm not sorry ... well, OK, that's a lie.  I do feel bad but I'm too tired to Google something better. 

Struggle #1:  I have been actively looking for a job for several months now and have sent out about a zillion resumes.  Responses?  Zero.  So I widened my search to include jobs that I am marginally qualified for and/or grossly over qualified.  Nada.  My Mom, bless her heart, has sent numerous leads my way.  All dead ends.  Its weird but there's just nothing around here!

So I cast a wider geographical net and included Calgary in my search.  I wasn't thrilled about relocating but it seemed necessary.  Finally, surprisingly, I got a call-back from a resume I had sent out over a month earlier and had written off as a dud.  It was a job that I was qualified for, the pay was very good and the type of work it involved was very appealing.  I had a promising interview and I was just waiting for the offer to come through.  And waiting.  Waiting.

Meanwhile back in Riyadh, the King of Saudi Arabia decided to tank the price of oil and in the wake of a panicky oil-based Alberta economy, my potential job fell through.  I was disappointed for sure but not totally surprised.  I've been in this industry long enough to know that that's the way it goes and to be fair, I have had a charmed career, I've come through every boom-bust cycle smelling like a rose.  So I guess its just my turn.  But it still sucks.

All's not lost though, I had another job interview for a Medicine Hat based government job that would at least pay 'some' of the bills (but not all) for the time being.  I jumped through all the hoops -- the "do you have a brain?" test, the interview, the physical fitness assessment -- and I was lead to believe I would be starting ASAP ... but still no offer?  I don't get it.  I really don't.

Struggle #2: When the job in Calgary fell through I came to the conclusion that no one, anywhere, will be hiring until this oil price thing sorts itself out ... which won't be anytime soon.  Years I'm sure.  I crunched some numbers and decided that without a 'real' job I can't afford the house I'm in and as per Struggle #1, there doesn't seem to be a 'real' job on the horizon for this little worker bee.  Switch to Plan 'B' ... or 'F' or 'M' or wherever I am at now.

As luck would have it, I found a double-wide mobile home on Kijiji that is reasonably priced, local and actually looked nice in the photos.  I went to see it and it is nice, its perfect for my acreage and its affordable!  I was ready to put down the money, move it to my place, move in and live happily ever after on my little piece of acreage heaven!  But hold the phone, nothing comes that easily in my world these days!

There was a mobile home on the acreage for a number of years until last spring when it was sold and moved off (in hind-sight that was a mistake.  My mistake.)  Back in the day, my Mom successfully got the Development Permit approved by the County even though the trailer was located within the coulee setback.  My intent was to place this 'new' mobile home on the exact same spot as the old one but seems the County is now enforcing their by-laws more stringently and my chances of getting a DP approved in that same spot is, well, slim at best.  With some Engineering magic, I may be able to challenge that but Engineering magic doesn't come cheap.  I can find a different location for the 'new' house which means a new septic system.  New septic systems don't come cheap.  And it seems house movers REALLY don't come cheap ... like, quadruple what I had budgeted.  Ouch!  Suddenly its not so affordable anymore.

 

Struggle #3: One morning in January I happened to notice that I have a rather large lump in my neck.  I feel OK but went to see my Doctor anyway.  He felt around, ordered some blood work, ordered an ultrasound for late-April, told me to stop taking thyroid supplements and said there is a very very very small chance it could be cancer but most likely is something quite innocuous.  I did the blood tests and went back two weeks later to review the results.  Nothing to see here folks, everything is 'normal' ... until he felt the lump again.  The tone of the appointment changed.  He will expedite my ultrasound if I want and if I feel any change in my health I am to immediately go back to see him.  Disconcerting to say the least.

So that's where I'm at these days.  Riding the Struggle Bus.  Front seat.  I don't know what life lessons I'm supposed to be learning in all this or where this bus is going ... but I'd like to get off now and get on a different one, preferably headed in the other direction!

 

Lilly's Head Update: Vet Follow Up

Well there's good news and bad news after Lilly's follow up with the vet.

The Bad:

The muscle deterioration on the right side of her head has progresses even with a high dose Prednisone and has started on the left side now too. She will probably never regain those muscles so will always look a little goofy (which is really the least of my worries) and according to the research, she will need to be on the drugs indefinitely. The drugs are very hard on her, she's had numerous side effects and its making her irritable (she snapped at me a few days ago when I woke her up from a nap, that is very out if character; not acceptable behavior but I can kinda understand.). She has a very bulgey mid-section, I'm told that's from an enlarged liver which is worrisome.

The Good:

Although she has deteriorated a bit, it is not affecting her ability to open her jaw yet. And we have reduced the dosage in half and that seems to be easing the side effects. More and more, the old Lilly is coming back. Yay! She plays more with Diesel, plays with her toys, tries to play with the Kitty! If we can maintain this and have it keep her healthy, then I think that's the best we can hope for. Its still "wait and see" but its not as bleak as it was last week.

Some pictures of my little Dent Head :-)...

Photo Flashback: Cash and Me (and My Big Butt!)

As I was browsing through my photos folders tonight looking for a picture of Thor, I came across some pictures of Cash and I from the fall of 2013.  Just kind of reminded me of how much I love that big lug and how lucky I've been with all the creatures that have made their way into my little furry family :-)

As an aside, my butt looks pretty big in that picture!  Pretty sure its not that big now ... I need to go look in the mirror!  And 'em are darn shexshy boots too! ;-)

Lilly's Head



Just before New Years I noticed something funny with Lilly: her head was mis-shapened (if that's a word?)  Kinda flat on one side. 

 

It wasn't pronounced but it was definitely there.  Initially I panicked thinking that she had been kicked by one of the horses but she wasn't showing any signs of distress, was perfectly normal in every other way so I decided I was probably being a hypochondriac.  None the less, I took a picture in to the vet's office to see if they thought it was a 'thing' and without skipping a beat, the vet basically said 'yup, its a thing!'  The following week I took her in and the diagnosis is Masticory Myositis.  Something is causing her immune system to attack the muscles (or the nerve that feeds those muscles) on that side of her head which causes them to atrophy.  And its not just a cosmetic anomoly; left untreated, she would eventually be unable to open her jaw (those muscles control chewing).  Not good. 

She has been on a fairly high dose of doggie steroids for a week now to see if we can't get the muscles to rebuild but so far there's been no improvement, and I'm thinking the drugs are not fun for her.  My normally happy bouncy skinny little trouble-maker is lethargic, bloated, weak, sometimes seems confused and scared.  Her tail rarely wags anymore.  At the acreage, she is normally running running running, pester Diesel into a wrestling match and if he's not game, running running running some more.  And when its time to go home ... running running running until she gets caught ... then sleep all the way home!  One of the pure pleasures in my life is watching the dawgs run and play and exude the sheer joy of being alive. Now, its Diesel trying to get the game going and she is really not that interested.  It makes me very sad. 

This is all kind of reminiscent of 2012 when my heart-dog, Thor, developed a limp.  It was a torn ACL and I took him to Great Falls for TPLO surgery.  It was very expensive and very onerous but very worth it since he was just a young dog with his whole life ahead of him and he was my big buddy. 

Sadly, a month into his recovery, he suffered what I think was a heart attack, collapsed and died in my arms.  I was heart broken and I still miss him.  Once again, I have a puppy facing an uncertain future and potentially expensive treatment.  She will be 2 years old in February and I will probably do whatever it takes to get her what she needs even though it will be a big stretch financially.  She has her whole life ahead of her too, she's my baby.  We'll see what gives at her follow-up appointment next week.

When I first noticed the dent Lilly was about the same age as Thor was when he died.

Pulleeessssse can I come up on the bed for a snuggle? I'm asking as nicely as I can and I'll be good, I promise!

 

On a lighter note, she was given a Ginger bread man stuffy for Christmas.  I delayed the impending demise of the Ginger bread man for about 3 weeks but I finally gave it to her and she promptly shredded it to get at the squeaker.  She loves the squeakers!  She even sleeps with it!  Goofy dog!

 

Brag-book of My Herd

And now, at the request of my one and only follower (Thanks Kate!), pictures of my herd.

 

Cruz was boarded out for 30 days of "boot camp".  We made some good progress, I was very happy with how that went ... when it went.  Takes a lot of time and I probably didn't choose the best month to take that on.  But it is what it is and in a few months I hope to take him back for another month where we will do some actual riding.  In our last lesson my trainer commented that once he has a few more miles on him, he will be a really good horse; her opinion means something so that made me feel good.  I bought him on a "feeling" and frankly I was second guessing my intuition as I was discovering some of his little quirks.  But she made me feel confident that there is hope for our future.

This is Cruz after a good roll in the snow.  He's the most "rolly" horse I know!


Cruz all saddled up.  I did ride him a bit towards the end of our month in training but not very confidently.  He's definitely a handsome guy!


While Cruz was away, Cash needed a buddy.  The lady who boarded Cash before I moved him home was nice enough to loan me Buck for the month.  He's a lovely horse to have around, very uncomplicated, quiet, lovey-dovey.

I am using a hay net for waste reduction and "waist reduction".  Not sure they are terribly thrilled with it but it seems to be working out well.  Cash hasn't gained excessively, Cruz has filled out nicely and the pile at the end of the bale is minimal.

 

Cash was very snoozey yesterday morning.  So much so that I unblanketed him while he was still laying down!  I was a little concerned, that's not really like him but eventually he got up, strolled around and he doesn't seem any worse for wear since.  So I think he was just having a super-lazy morning (I have those too!)



A word about my new farrier: fantastic!  He came on recommendation from my Aunt who has known him for several years.  A few weeks ago I was in a conversation with Cruz's previous owner and another lady, she mentioned that she knew of someone that was really good and wondered if I would like the name.  I said that I thought I had found someone that I really liked but pass it along anyway, one never knows (farriers are a fickle bunch.)  She texted me his contact card and turns out it is the same guy! Ha!  When the farrier was out last week, I relayed that conversation to him and turns out that he was Cruz's farrier several years ago!  Small world.  Cruz has a few potential 'issues' so based on those two recommendations and seeing the results so far, I feel pretty confident that he is in good hands.

Update on my summer boarder

I was surfing Kijiji this morning and noticed that the lady who was boarding her gelding at my place this summer has put him up for sale.  The ad says he is "good to catch" which was a bit of a stretch when he was at my place but who knows, maybe she's worked that out of him since I last saw them. 

The ad also says, "he needs someone with more experience than me."  I sincerely hope that this realization came about in due course and not because of some grievous accident.  I don't wish failure or injury on anyone, but I can't say as I'm surprised that that particular partnership didn't work out.  She didn't seem interested in investing the time to learn to train him and/or maintain his training, nor was she particularly receptive to suggestions that what she was doing was wrong and maybe a little bit unsafe (although she had plenty of suggestions for me!)  Horses are always learning so if you don't train the horse the right way, the horse will train himself in whatever way he pleases and that gelding had things figgered out pretty quickly, even before he moved away!

There's a teeny tiny piece of me that feels vindicated that my instinct was correct, my slow and steady approach to horsemanship is the right one.  But the bigger part of me wishes her well and hopes she finds the right horse so she can fulfill her dream.

This and That

A quick update on miscellaneous stuff:

Cruz at Boot Camp:
I picked a bad month to start this, things have been more busy than expected.  But what little time I have devoted to Cruz's training these past 2 weeks has been very encouraging and regardless of how far we get over the next 2 weeks, its a good starting point.  It has taught me to take control of his training rather than wait around for someone to hold my hand.

He follows a fairly predictable pattern at each lesson: nervous and poopy (which is a nervous thing), then come the sillies (typical young horse stuff) and finally focus and calm.  The cycle through steps 1 and 2 goes quicker with each lesson and then we get down to some real learning in step 3. I can't wait to be able to ride him, he has such a lovely floaty trot and lope and when he's calm he is VERY calm!  I admit to having buyers remorse this fall when I felt like I was in over my head and suspected some conformation and hoof issues. But I think I have found the right trainer to help with the training challenges, a good equine chiropractor/massage practitioner and a fantastic farrier. I'm feeling like Cruz and I have a promising future.

Cash:
He's just hanging out in the pasture with his old friend and temporary companion, Buck. I've enjoyed having Buck, he's just such a nice horse to have around.  I have made some good progress with Cash too.  He no longer plays the "you can't catch me!" game and he does not need to be haltered every time I do something with him (pick out the ice packs under his hooves, blanket/unblanket, grooming after a good roll in the mud.)  The boys are learning that the white bucket usually contains oats (their fave!) so when they see/hear the white bucket they come running (which means I don't have to trudge out across the coulee to get them!)  I believe that when I start riding lessons on him again (hopefully after Christmas!) it won't take long for us to be a solid team.  My goal with him is to pass the search and rescue certification this coming summer and I'm feeling like that's totally achievable.

Its not so easy to take pictures of Cash, he's very intrigued by the phone/camera!




Kitty and The Dawgs:
Just the usual routine for my other four-legged friends. Kitty lays around all day and snuggles with me on the bed all night.  Pretty easy life!  The dawgs don't get as much outdoor time as they'd like because of the cold weather a few weeks ago and they get snakey being inside all the time.  I am starting to think that Lilly will never grow up (she's almost 2 and still a nut case!)  She seems to think that hiding under the desk with the spoils of her counter surfing expedition will save her from a spanking ... which worked in a way, instead of reprimanding her, I took a picture.



This is her best attempt at using cuteness to feign innocence.  Sometimes that works too, how can you be mad at a face like that?! (I know, I'm a push over.)



Selah Singers:
I joined this choir this fall along with my niece.  She has been a vocal student of the choir director, Ralph Browne, for a few years now, an extremely talented teacher and musician.  We had our Christmas performances this weekend and all in all, everything worked out well.  I hope to continue on with that (if they will allow it haha!)  I will try to post a video of this weekend's performance at a later date (not yet available) but in the mean time, here is a You Tube clip of the Selah Singers from a couple years ago (before I joined) ...

http://youtu.be/rCfJpq8GMPA

Twitter:
Yesterday was my "Twitterversary" ... apparently.  I received an email about that so I guess it must be true.  I have tinkered around on Twitter a little bit (see the sidebar for my Tweets ... all four of them haha).  It seems like a useful tool for many things and one of these days I will really get down to figgering out how it works.

Volleyball:
This fall I joined a new recreational ladies volleyball team.  I played beach doubles this summer with my niece and it rekindled my love for that game, both indoor and beach.  I used to play several times a week and occasionally I got the chance to play with some high-ish caliber teams (ex-college players, co-ed and ladies).  I was no superstar "back in the day" but I could hold my own.  I had a ranking on the AVA tour one summer ... albeit a very very very low one!

The good news is that with this new team, I get to play every week rather than just the occasional call to sub for other teams.  And we are friendly, drama-free bunch.  The bad news is that (rant alert) this team is VERY recreational, very non-competitive, very ... frustrating.  The most frustrating part is that when I play "hack" ball, I myself play like a hack ... grrrr!  I joined up with realistic expectations so I'm not exactly surprised that its nowhere near the level of competition and intensity that I used play (and would like to play again!)  We are improving as a team and I keep my feelings to myself, just focus on my own skills and roll with the punches whether we win or lose ... but some nights I am just not having fun. *sigh*

Cruz: Let the games begin!

I started working with Cruz in earnest last night.  The bad news: he sure has a stubborn streak!  I am used to Cash; he already knew how to lunge when I bought him and he's actually quite cooperative and respectful; the more I work with other horses, the more I appreciate Cash.  Cruz and I will get there too, it will just take more time and effort than I expected.  Cruz has so many good attributes ... and even his stubbornness could be a good thing if channeled in the right direction, so I believe he's worth the effort.  Working with a younger horse that has less training will also be a good learning experience for me; I'll try not to ruin him!

The good news is that I built my round pen on the weekend (almost, need to liberate 3 more corral panels to finish it) and fill in a couple of big-ish holes that were left behind by some sort of wild creature.  I've been meaning to do that all summer. I built it near the arena which is out of sight of the sacrifice pen; Cash and Cruz are quite attached so I think/hope he will be less distracted when I work him away from his buddy.  And its not a bad thing for either of them to be separated once in a while.  As well, I'm not sure if he's used to the lunge line so using the pen without the line might be a better way to get started.  I will feel more confident riding him in the smaller area too when we get to that although the ground is harder there than in the arena so an "unscheduled" landing might not be very pleasant.

There's not a lot of daylight now before or after the work day so not sure how consistent I will be with this but I'm going to do what I can whenever I can.  Something is better than nothing ... and so far I have done basically nothing with Cruz since I got him (except one ill-fated trailer loading training session; I had to abandon that when the boarder showed up in the middle of it and all the horses got amped up almost instantly; no point continuing when they are like that.)

On another subject, I think I have found a new farrier, a recommendation from my Aunt.  He has been doing my cousin's mares for a long time and finally went and got some formal training to do it full-time.  Cash is not due for another 2 weeks but Cruz is *really* overdue so I'm going to get both done at the same time to synchronize their schedules.  If this guy does a good job with Cash, I won't have to trailer him to Brooks all the time; that was inconvenient but it was worth it to keep his feet in good shape and being hauled regularly wasn't a bad thing for him either.  Cruz can't be hauled anywhere right now, we're still battling that one out (its that stubborn streak!) so taking him to Brooks wasn't even an option.  I had to cancel 2 appointments for him because of that!  Thus the round pen.

Boarder gone and pics of my guys

T came and took D this morning so the boarding situation is done. I'm sad that it ended in an awkward way but I feel like the drama at the end wasn't my doing. And I honestly believe that she will get more enjoyment out of her new hobby at another place. So it feels a bit sour right now but in the long run, this is best for everyone.

Anyway, after they left, my guys were all full of themselves, they both had a roll in the dirt, Cruz had a rare "piss'n vinegar" moment, bucking like a wild bronc! He's normally very mellow but every so often he reminds me that he is still a young off-the-track thoroughbred!

Rant: More boarder drama! The end.

Yet another post about the 'T', the boarder at my acreage.  I said wasn't going to make these  'rant' posts a habit but things just keep popping up and I'm pretty much done with it (both the rants and the boarding situation.)

On several occasions I have given T a choice on where to keep D: in the pen by himself in which case he needs to be fed twice a day or in the big pasture with my guys in which case he needs to be caught out there in the wide open spaces; he's not exactly amenable to being caught at times.  One such occasion was when I was going out of town for the weekend and I would not be around to feed him.  She agreed that he should go out to pasture, she doesn't have time to feed him ... but I am to bring him back in when I return (it wasn't phrased as a request, as in "would you mind?, thanks, really appreciate your help"; it was an expectation and an implication that I am responsible for this inconvenient situation.)  So much for relying on her help when I need it.

I am really not keen on the horses being in the small pasture because it has gotten to be *very* grazed down; I underestimated how quickly the grass would be consumed so this was my fault.  Its to the point where I don't know if it will recover anytime soon.  T and I had a conversation about this 2 days ago and only D was allowed access to that area (my way of compromising on the "can't catch him in the big pasture" thing) but somehow all the horses found a way in there (either a gate was left open or they managed to jimmy the latch which is entirely possible.)

On the weekend, T complained that the horses were on the far side of the coulee and her hubby spent 45 minutes trying to catch them.

Yesterday D was again out in the pasture with my guys.  I received this text:

"Can you bring D in if your out this morning please and thank you (smiley face)."

Now maybe I am taking this out of context but it felt like I was being "voluntold" (I think I know how her hubby felt on the weekend!)  I brought D in as she asked, partly because I am a spineless wimp and partly because I wanted to see for myself how difficult it was to catch them (any of them, catch one and they will all follow).  It took a bit of effort, had to cross over to the far side but eventually D came to the oats pail, I haltered him and away we went. Less than 15 minutes.  I responded back to her that I did it this time but:

"I can't be doing that every day though, I'm late for work." 

Her reply: "Lol that was my complaint too.  Can't spend an hour casing them Lol". 

REALLY?! So its too much of a bother for you to catch your own horse but no problem sending me out to waste an hour of my time ... chasing your horse?  I was already feeling a bit miffed and with that, I had enough.  I hardly even saw my guys because I spent all of my limited time on D.

I was in a bit of a hurry to get to work and I probably hit the send button without really thinking it through fully, but I texted that I strongly suggested that she consider boarding D somewhere that is more suitable for her needs.  I tried to frame it in such a way that she would see that my place really isn't the best for what she wants to do, which is the honest truth.  I have few real 'facilities' (which is part of the reason I am charging her only nominal board) and she needs more help with D than I can provide, nor do I want to provide.  I am not a "full board" place.  Of the few things I do have to offer (pasture, riding arena) she doesn't use.  She doesn't seem to notice (or maybe she ignores) subtleties but she caught my drift on that message. In a bit of a pout (again, maybe the context is lost via text), asked that I give her a few days, she'll get him out of there. As well, she wants half of this month's board back (no mention of the week and a half in August that D was there that I didn't charge her for.)  I agreed to refund that because, again, I'm a bit spineless and she succeeded in making me feel bad for hurting her feelings. I am going to chalk it up to lessons learned and the price of getting back my peaceful sanctuary.

After all that, she didn't even go out there yesterday to see him which was the whole reason this started!  She did go out in the evening since D was still in the pen and needed to be fed, I'll give her credit for being switched on enough to remember that.  I wasn't planning on going out but I changed my mind and decided to take a drive out there before I went home that night.  Low and behold, the gate to the small pasture was open and all of them were grazing on it.  She either didn't get the subtle hint or ignored it.

It just feels like a constant barrage of 'things' with this arrangement. I did a quick calculation this morning: I came up with a list of about 18 'things' (not counting yesterday) that have transpired in the ~7 weeks she's been there, it works out to something every 2.73 days.  Way too much drama!
 

The #100HappyDays challenge

I have been doing this challenge for the 100 Happy Days last 28 days (give or take.) The idea is to find something that makes you happy every day, take a picture and post it on your social media of choice.  Take the time to acknowledge and celebrate the good things in life, to really look for those things on the days when you don't feel like it.  I have been doing it on Facebook but I am going to share them here too when I remember.

The impetus for this was that I was feeling very unsettled this summer. Things are a bit off, not really where I want them to be. What I've discovered is that I really don't have any difficulty finding good things to post about. But that doesn't solve life's problems.  So I don't know that its accomplishing what I thought it would when I started but its still fun to do so I plan on finishing out the 100 days.

So without further adieu, a smattering of 100 Happy Days pictures (captions and commentary will have to come at a later date, don't have time right now):

Hurray for Hay!

On Sunday morning I finally got a load of hay. I'm quite relieved, I've never bought hay before (other than a few small squares last month) so I didn't know where, how, how much to get, how much to pay? And it seems like there's a shortage this year so I was starting to worry. For all my griping about 'T' in the last couple posts, I have to give her credit for sourcing it out and negotiating price. I just had to arrange delivery and, of course, pay for it. I included the cost of hay in the board I'm charging which was probably a mistake now that I know how expensive it is, but that was the deal so I'll honour that for this year. I am mostly just happy not to worry that my guys will starve.

 

I spent the whole day out there on Sunday and it would have been glorious if I wasn't doing nasty clean-up of some old bales that were left there, a situation I inherited. They bothered me and they were tying up some corral panels that I really need to use elsewhere. It took all day to get thay done but I'm really happy now that it is done. The dogs ran and played and wrestled and pestered the horses and ran some more. By mid-afternoon theu were spent!  Given enough fresh air and wide open space, Lilly does eventually tire out :-)

More boarder gripes

A continuation of my last post (yes I'm going to whinge some more!)

I forgot about one of the big irks that happened.  T's 'horsey' friend was hosting a clinic that we were planning to attend.  She sends me a text to make me aware that if my horse bucks he has to wear a ribbon in his tail.  First off, it is horses that kick that get the ribbon, not ones that buck.  I'm sure 'horsey' friend told her that and she was only half listening and relayed bad information to me  thinking that she was being pretty smart.  Secondly, I was already aware of that ... but nice of her to let me know just in case.  Thirdly, neither of my horses are known to kick.  They are big but generally pretty gentle and harmless.  In fact Cash once had a kitten climbing up his tail and he never even batted an eyelash.  He does get pissy at Lilly when she is circling and barking and he has cocked his leg as a warning but so far, he hasn't let it fly (when I see that happening, its back in the truck for the dawgs!)

Today's request from T was if I could trailer D for her on Sunday or if she could rent/borrow my sister's horse trailer (which is half mine.)  Her Dad will drive, etc etc.  Kind of a sob story about how she doesn't want to disappoint her son for his birthday party yada yada yada.  T has been genuinely helpful about sourcing out hay so I feel like I should reciprocate but I worry about setting a precedent with the trailer.  So I decided that I will borrow my sister's truck and bring him to the party, she can pay for the gas.  Its more work for me but that way I can return the favour, she has D for her son's party and (we, my sister and I) retain all control (real and perceived) over the trailer.  She texted back a "thanks" and she's looking at "options" ... whatever that means?  Maybe she'll find someone else to help her out.  And I'm OK with that.

Sigh.  I'm exhausted by all these little things.  I just want peace and quiet out there.

Rant Alert: I feel cheap and resentful.

I'm going to put a rare "rant for the sake of ranting" post here because the place/web forum that I usually rant about horse-related stuff may not be appropriate ... the person/situation I am ranting about may read it (its a small world you know!)  Normally I don't condone ranting if you're not going to do something to fix whatever's got yer panties in a knot but I'm not ready to deal with this head on yet.  Maybe I am making mountains out of mole-hills. Since I only have ~1 subscriber here now (and its not her), I think I'm safe to rant my heart's content haha.

Background:
I have someone boarding their horse at my acreage, we'll call the horse 'D' and the owner is 'T'.  I wasn't planning on doing that but it seemed like an OK idea at the time. T explained that she rode quite a bit as a kid and that having a horse as an adult is fulfilling a bucket list item.  "Getting back into horses" was a bucket list item of mine several years ago and I truly appreciated some thoughtful assistance to make that happen when I bought Cash.  So I felt good about paying it forward to someone else's B-list. She's a nice person, beautiful family and her enthusiasm is infectious; I need injections of enthusiasm from time to time and her gentle prodding for me to ride more ... hasn't actually gotten me riding more but its good for me to be pushed outside my comfort zone sometimes.  As well, I could use some help looking after the horses once in a while.  But I am really second guessing this boarding arrangement.

The Rant:
I noticed almost from the outset that T is very green with horses.  She does a lot of things that I would not do and I believe to be ... well, wrong and/or dangerous and/or just plain foolish.  I myself am not an expert on horses so I am reluctant to say too much for fear that she may know more than I give her credit for and I know that I tend to err way too far on the side of caution.  The part that bothers me is that she doesn't seem interested or open to learning.  She has other 'horsey' friends that she trusts who are not shy about offering their opinions so I leave it to them to be her circle of influence for now.  I generally keep my opinions and judgements to myself.

Speaking of T's 'horsey' friend, T texted me a few days after D arrived that her friend came out to see him and she (the 'horsey' friend) said there's something wrong with Cruz (my new horse).  I kind of panicked, I had just moved Cruz home and had just seen him earlier that morning to check on a nasty cut he had on his shoulder.  No, its his feet she tells me.  I'm still panicked.  His feet were fine when I saw him, what's wrong now?!  When I checked on him, it really was nothing.  Some cracks on his hoof that are not unusual late in summer when the pastures are dry and their hooves dry out.  Me thinks it was just T trying to sound knowledgeable (which she clearly wasn't) and her (judgemental?) horsey friend made a comment on one of my horses.  I try not to be one of the stereotypical judgemental "horse" people but at that point I really wasn't impressed with 'horsey' friend or with T.

Riding with Uggs ... or hiking boots or runners or any footwear without a heel: not a good idea.  Since my first memories of riding with my parents as a wee whippersnapper, I have always been taught that footwear with a heel is non-negotiable.  If you get into a wreck, your (heel-less) foot slips thought the stirrup and you are dragged to your death, its your own fault!

Riding a new horse (if you've only owned him for 5 weeks, he's still 'new' to you IMO) bareback, with a rope halter in the pasture.  I dunno, just seems like an 'advanced' rider activity, not to be attempted by beginners.

Hand feeding treats to a horse that tends to be dominant.  And D is definitely dominant when he thinks he can get away with it!

D was gelded late; from what his former owner says he managed to knock up several mares before he was snipped so I'm guessing he was done at 2 or 3 years old, possibly later (he's ~15yo now).  He is quite "studdy".  My first "note to self" on his dominant nature was shortly after he arrived: D and Cash were together in the pasture; I was petting Cash who has improved A LOT in letting me approach him and pet him anywhere anytime.  I was lovin' on him for being such a good boy when he started to get antsy and pull away.   Low and behold, here comes D, literally pushing himself in between Cash and I, ears pinned as flat as they will go!  Naturally Cash was nervous and pulling away which is EXACTLY the thing I am working on him to NOT do!  I backed off D three times before he finally stayed away and let me get back to my boy Cash.  I have to say, that experience gave me some confidence; I dealt with D instinctively and immediately and without one iota of intimidation or fear.  I was in charge.

Speaking of D's former owner, apparently she showed up at my acreage one day to see him without any communication with me ... the land owner.  She texted T after she visited and apparently T told her that she needs to call ahead next time.  If that went down the way T says, I can't fault her for that.  And its not the end of the world that this lady came to see her baby ... but I was rather annoyed that someone would invite themselves onto my private property and not tell me. A courtesy call goes a long way to keeping good feelings! I will be installing that security system sooner rather than later.

When D is acting up, T will "run him in circles" (aka free-lunging) to get him to behave.  She doesn't really know why one does that except that 'horsey' friend showed her that.  I am not a lunging expert but from what I see, she's doing it wrong and D is confused.  I once free-lunged D because he was being a turd to me at feeding time; he is actually very good at it, he knows the deal!  It only took a couple of laps around the pen before he stopped, joined up with me and there were no other problems that day.

T is also very high energy and D is sensitive to that.  I've noticed that when she arrives to work with D, all of them get more edgy.  On one occasion, she was running D in circles in the pen because she couldn't catch him.  Cash was in the pen as she was doing that and I could see him getting quite riled up ... he is also quite attuned to a person's energy and he was also being given the run around.  This was one of the rare occasions that I spoke up, I asked her to please stop while I get Cash out of there.  As worked up as he was, my boy Cash stood still while I walked up to him with the halter, put it on and lead him out.  Wow!  As irked as I was that she was potentially spoiling my horse, I was so proud of him for being a good boy for me :-)  I have been working on this since I brought him home, he likes the "you can't catch me" game so it was really gratifying to see that the effort paying off. 

One evening when the mosquitoes were particularly bad, I fly-sprayed all three of them.  Cruz was the least bothered by this, just stood at the hay bin while I sprayed him down, no halter or anything.  Cash was not as apathetic and I needed to catch him for this.  D was also not so cooperative, he was actually being an evasive turd!  Took him less than 1 minute to figger out that I would have none of it, he turned to face me and off we went to finish the task at hand.  From what I'm told, T has problems catching him (and tries to solve it by the 'running in circles' thing) so I feel a teensy bit vindicated that my calm, methodical, patient approach is a better way.  One can't be in a hurry when it comes to the horses, that much I have learned!

Cruz is very thin and ribby.  I'm not sure if that's a young thoroughbred thing or if he just needs to eat more.  He is also the bottom of the pecking order while D is top dog. At one feeding, D was running Cruz out of the pen entirely so that Cruz wouldn't have gotten any supper if I hadn't been there.  So I brought Cruz back in, locked D out, when Cruz was done eating, I let D back in to finish his supper.  Sorry, my horses eat first.  Period.

I am still quite tentative about riding Cash after last year's little "eat the dirt" incident.  Totally irrational after all this time I know, but I still am.  T was texting me to go riding with her and I explained that I will ride Cash in the arena if it is not too muddy but I won't ride him out in the pasture.  And I won't ride Cruz until we've worked through some ground-manners issues.  Her response was "Do you want me to ride him (Cash) for you?"  HA!  I actually laughed out loud to that.  Really?  You think you're *that* good that you can ride a (very tall) horse (that she is otherwise kind of intimidated by) that's been known to buck?  It just proved to me how naïve she is ... and not going to lie, I was kind of insulted.

Part of the reason I don't ride with T is I don't feel confident that if something were to happen, she could handle the situation.  She's obviously green which makes me feel like I have to be responsible for everyone and everything ... and I'm just not that confident in my own abilities to take on the additional responsibility.  And I don't feel confident that she's open to my suggestions on how to avoid bad situations.

T texted me last week to ask if she could bring her targets and cross-bow to practice at my place.  I didn't respond because, frankly, I'm not crazy about it.  I'm just not a "weapons" person.  The next day when I went out to feed the boys, she came out.  We were having a friendly chat when another pick-up came down the road.  Since my acreage is such that any vehicle coming down that road is obviously coming to my acreage I pointed it out.  Oh yeah, her Dad is coming out, they are going to shoot some targets.  Wha ...?  Really?  I didn't actually agree to that.  I didn't say anything in that moment, its a relatively harmless activity and I was taken off guard but it made me realize that I need to start reining in how she is using my property as if its her own.  Ask permission and so you won't have to ask for forgiveness!

I let all three of the horses out into the big pasture this weekend since I was going out of town for a few days.  They can eat grass and don't need their twice-daily dose of hay.  I texted her that we can leave D in the pen (which was her preference) but she would have to feed him.  Apparently she didn't have time or didn't want to (so my idea that I would have help once in a while to look after them hasn't panned out as I thought it would) so she agreed to let him out ... but I was to bring him back in when I return.  I decided that no, I'll do what's easiest for me.  Its not part of the agreement that I drive out twice a day specifically to feed only her horse, nor is it my responsibility to bring him in from the pasture.  The whole reason she boarded at my place was so her horse could be out in the pasture to "be a horse" and not be cooped up in a small paddock.  But it seems that now she wants him in the pen because its more convenient ... but doesn't want to or doesn't have time to look after him when he's in the pen.  So I'm expected to do it.

She went out to work with him this afternoon and had to retrieve him out of the pasture, had some trouble with that from what she said.  She left him in the pen again.  I warned her that I may not be able to go out and feed him tonight but she thinks he will be fine until tomorrow morning (so 16 hours without food).  I don't think that's healthy for him but that was her choice.  As time goes by I am less and less willing to 'jump' at everything.

The latest "issue" is that she bought "halfers" in a 3 month old filly that her 'horsey' friend has and she would *really* like to keep it here.  I'm a little perplexed as to what a green rider/trainer is going to do with a baby horse but that's not my call.  I suspect she's still riding the emotional high of having D in her life and wasn't really thinking about how this is really going to work out in the long run.  When I first met T, before she even bought D, I was very specific that I am only willing to accept geldings.  Cash gets funny around the mares and I just don't want to deal with the hassle and stress of it.  So why she thinks a young filly would get a  different answer ...?  In all honesty, it just sounds like more work for me.  My diplomatic answer was that the grass in the pasture can really only support 4 horses so if my niece's horse comes back, its maxed out (which is the honest truth.) Her response was, "OK its your place."  Yes, yes it is!  She's willing to pay more if she can bring it, would that change my mind?  I pointed out that the herd dynamics we got going on there would be challenging and its probably not even safe for the filly.  T says we would separate her for a while, obviously, but I don't think she's thought this one through either: I only have one pen ... and D is using it!  So where, pray tell, are we going to put this new filly?  Build more fences?  Again, that just sounds like more work/expense for me. I've kind of been letting other things slide but on this, I stand my ground.  It kind of reminds me of a former (problem) boyfriend who used to pester me with the same question over and over again in slightly different ways hoping I would relent and give him what he wanted!  OK, seriously, she's not as bad as that... but it does remind me of him and his very exhausting tactics.

Did I mention that I am charging a very reasonable rate to board D?  And that includes hay which is uber expensive and hard to find this year?!  In T's defence, she has been very proactive in sourcing out hay which I did appreciate.  But I am not coming out ahead financially on this.  Me thinks this is the lesson: if you set your self up as 'cheap', people treat you as if that's exactly how much you are worth.

I guess the long and short of it is that there have been a few good things about having a boarder and a few things I did not expect. I won't evict T and D but I won't be sorry if/when she decides to move him somewhere else and I suspect she will do that sooner rather than later. I probably won't take on another boarder, I have Cash and his sidekick, Cruz and possibly Benji, my niece's horse so he won't end up in the hands of a meat buyer. 

And honestly, my acreage has become my happy place and I am struggling with sharing my sanctuary.  Having to look after someone else's horse takes away from my quality time with my own guys.  I can't have my 'alone' time out there when someone else is there.  And I resent 'strangers' coming to my place and treating me like I'm invisible (T's Dad and in-laws barely acknowledged me; D's former owner didn't bother to call me when she visited.)  Maybe that is what's the crux of all of this.  My personal space.  My peace and quiet.  My joy.  I was out of town on Friday and Saturday for a course, I went out on Thursday night to get the boys ready and by Saturday night, I felt like I HAD to get out there to check on them before I could go home and go to bed.  It was pitch dark and I could barely see what was there ... but once I saw them petted them, smelled them, said "Hi guys", my world was right again.

There.  That's the end.  It was *much* longer than I expected but my rant is finished ... for now anyway.

The Symbolic Facial

So I am finally getting around to using this gift certificate for a facial that I got last Christmas from my employer.  The other part of the package was 2 tickets to the show, "Stomp", which played here earlier this year (a very enjoyable show!)

Part of the reason this certificate has stayed magnetted to my fridge this long is its kind of been a sore point for me.  Symbolic.  If it was a Christmas gift, it was a nice gesture ... but what happened to my bonus?  If this was meant to be my bonus, a thank you for all the hard work, dedication, contribution to the success of the company throughout the year, we appreciate everything you do ... let me count the ways that this gift/bonus is insulting:

They basically gave us a Christmas 'bonus' ... and then spent it on our behalf.  Now "Stomp" was absolutely fantastic so I don't want to take away from that but I would prefer to decide where and how to spend my 'bonus', thank you very much.  Cash is better.  One colleague couldn't attend the performance so he basically gave away his 'bonus'.  Another colleague gets massive migraine headaches so loud pounding noise for 2 hours just doesn't work for her; her 'bonus' went unused.  The one co-worker that I would really rather not associate with outside of office hours (we'll call him "Asshat") DID attend so as a social event, it was rather uninspiring.

I worked hard for that company. I brought a lot of expertise and professionalism to that office. I filled in the gaps whenever I was asked to. I put up with a lot of silliness and a lot of that had to do with "Asshat".  I was getting paid next to nothing (only slightly more than Asshat as I found out later), especially for what was supposedly a "managerial" role.  I suspect the total dollar amount of this 'bonus' was less than $200, cheaper than if they were to dole out real bonuses, you know based on work performance, seniority and contribution to the financial success of the company.  It seems to me they "cheaped out".  Nice!

We all received the exact same 'bonus' (as far as I know).  So pretty sure I got the exact same "thank you for your contribution and loyal service" as Asshat ... even though I have +24 years of experience compared to his 1.5 years; even though I did my own job plus his job when he was on my team because he wasn't capable, the deadlines don't change and the buck stops with whoever is running the project; even though he had a really poor attitude and had received many complaints from colleagues and reprimands from all levels of upper management; even though I presented numerous examples of his ineptitude and stupidity to my supervisor (who agreed with my assessment of it but couldn't or wouldn't do anything about it.)  In spite of all that, apparently Asshat and I were worthy of the same level of 'thank you'.

Things like raises, bonuses, updating our software, buying office supplies were generally met with resistance.  When faced with the (expensive) prospect of buying one more licenced seat of (necessary) software for a new hire, the CFO had the gall to say, "You all need to work harder so we can afford this!" Um, what?!  I believe this was said in jest ... but it was in very poor taste to say such a thing to the very people who were holding the place together!  I said (with my inside voice), "I know how you can free up one seat right now and it won't cost you a thing; it will actually save you money".  Had I actually said that (out loud), she would have known that I was talking about Asshat.  Get rid of him and give his spot to the new guy who can only be an improvement.  Problem solved.  And while you're at it, take his salary, divide it up among the rest of us who are actually doing something productive and voila, bonuses for those who deserve it!

And one final albeit minor gripe: I am really not a "go to the spa, get a facial" kind of person.  Not sure how they thought this would be a good gift for me (other than the fact that I am female).

Am I being petty for expecting a bonus?  Maybe.  Am I being unreasonable for expecting to be treated according to the value I brought to the job?  Definitely not.  I was told on numerous occasions how happy they were that I was there but it kinda feels like that was really just lip service.  As Evidenced by the 'bonus'.

I left that job 6 months ago but this is still a bit raw for me.  I decided I better at least use the certificate since I have it and it won't cost me anything.  At the very least, it will free up a fridge magnet.