New Year, new Me. Or maybe just a tweak.

Another birthday has come and gone.  In the past I have sometimes written a letter to self on that day to kind of sum up where I am, where I am going, who I am at that point in time.  I haven't done that lately though.   In fact I have not journaled even privately in quite some time on any day.  And I have not felt compelled to to add to this blog either (I have felt I 'should' post, but not enough to actually do it.)

Fact is that in the last decade, and more pronounced in the last year and a half, I haven't felt much of a pull forward towards anything in particular.  No goals.  No big dreams.  No momentum.  No inspiration.  Just sort of plodding along aimlessly.  Time is passing without anything to show for it.  And the older I get, the more I aware I am of the value of that missing time. I 'should' be doing something about this.  And yet I still haven't.

I have a good life really, no real complaints other than mundane-ness.  I have a good relationship with my Sweetie, I have let go of many of the baggage I once carried regarding my parents, siblings and younger self, I have a few good friends, I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge and not that many aches and pains.  If life is lived on a mental, physical, spiritual and emotional level, I am in a good place on all of them.

So where's the problem?  There is one other aspect that should be on that list: financial. And more specifically, career.  And on that aspect, I am stuck.  My career -- and consequently, my finances -- is in the toilet, not gonna lie.  I was laid off (downsized? made redundant? fired? I'm still not sure) a year and a half ago and have struggled ever since to regain my footing.  For the first while I was relieved to be out of that job (which was not a great fit for myself or my employer.)  I relished the time off to decompress from the stress and breathe again.  

I dabbled in a couple of ideas on what to do next and even hired a career counsellor; I was 'pivoting' before pivoting was cool!  I went into "frugal mode" to pay the bills and took whatever jobs came my way no matter how little they paid.  But here's where things got wonky: I swallowed my pride and contacted my old employer (the one before this last one), things sounded very promising that they had work for me and it was just a matter of signing the paperwork, they would let me know when.  So I waited.  And I waited.  I contacted them again.  And waited some more.  And then the pandemic hit.  And I emailed again.  And waited.  The 'start date' they had offered came and went and still no response. I finally had to accept that that was not going anywhere and I gave up. And since then, its been slim pick'ns.

Jobs ... or what I call "real jobs" (aka ones that are in my chosen profession that actually pay worth a darn!) are few and far between in this little corner of the world.  The conundrum is that anything that suits my unique skills and qualifications is not local.  Anything local that I am qualified for pays basically minimum wage.  If I want to make a comfortable living in my chosen line of work, I probably have to move -- which I don't want to do.  Or change what I do for a living -- which takes time and money -- and I don't even know what that new 'pivot' career would be.

So I'm stuck in a spot and not sure where to go from here.  I'm not particularly happy about living hand to mouth but not sure how to fix it either.  

I supposed I will have to start finding new ways to look at this 'career crash' riddle on a different level of consciousness.  Not at all sure of how to do that right now but at this point, that's probably the best and only way forward. I feel that if I can crack that nut, everything else in life will fall into place.

So to summarize today's musings, as I wander through life in this moment, I feel that I am a little lost.  Its an adventure, not a terrible one, really just that one sticky detail that is trying to unravel all the others.  Perhaps I need to just be OK with being lost for a while, embrace the uncertainty.  The world is moving towards a "new normal" and that includes me and my post-career life.

Peace.

Gosh, 362 days already?!

It has been a while since I tended to my little corner of the blogosphere, nearly a year in fact. Sigh. 

I shall do better going forward. 

I swear. 

No really, I mean it this time! 🤨

Random picture just for fun:

Decrepit old lady or rock the bike?

New month, new challenge: all 'frivolous' screen time is done on my stationary bike or yoga mat or the bowflex.

The back story:  I wasted an entire day yesterday laying in bed and binge watching the TV series Fringe.  I watched all of season 1 and started on season 2.  I'm not super proud of this but its what I did.  Although I enjoyed the show, it was not worth 16+ hours of my life that I won't get back.  And I'm loathe to admit that Facebook is another big drain on my time for no good reason.  All total, I have squandered quite a bit of time on doing things that are just not that great.



I also saw my chiropractor for the first time in a long while; I have a pesky, recurring SI joint issue that rears its ugly head from time to time; its not serious but it lets me know when its time to go for an adjustment.  Since it has been over a year since I was last there, I was required to re-do the Chiropractor's diagnostic scans.  Side note: I will write more about these scans and what they supposedly do once I have done more research to fully understand them and decide if I truly buy it.  For now, I can say for certain that I go into my appointments a grumpy pants and come out feeling like a million bucks.  So for now, that's good enough!  My Chiropractor said that my scans did not look fantastic which is somewhat reflective of how I have been feeling lately. She listed a few things she suspects I may be experiencing and she pretty much nailed it.  In a word: inflammation.  My body is telling me … loudly now … that I need to pay attention.



As much as I want to be the woman on the left,  I fear that I might actually be the one on the right, stooped over with walking canes and a grumpy attitude.  I have spurts of inspiration and motivation in the physical fitness department (well, in many departments actually) but somehow I never really change.



I got the idea for this challenge from this website that I follow.  She created a treadmill desk … basically just a treadmill under her desk and she walks as she works.  Brilliant!  I adapted the idea to my stationary bike (because I already have that, I do not already have a treadmill) and my nemesis lately is mindless scrolling … although I will look for ways to make this conducive to working as well.  I dunno if this idea is going to stick but today I already did one episode of "Forensic Files" on YouTube … so about 20 minutes.

Cruz the Lesson Horse

The last few posts have been a little on the heavy side.  So here is a gratuitous video of my last riding lesson :-D

Truth be known, there's another reason for uploading this video besides superfluous bragging about my Cruzzy.  Long story short: life lessons.

I've been in riding lessons off and on for the last few years but mostly on my other guy, Cash.  Cash has dished out his fair share of hard knocks, he is big and powerful and sometimes thinks he's the boss.  He bucked me off a couple of times, he's been known to play the "you can't catch me" game and he eats me out of house and home.  But I've had him for 7 years and I know all his tricks so most of the time its just easier to ride him.  He's the devil I know.

Cruz, on the other hand, was a total unknown for the first 3 years I owned him.  On the ground, he has always been easy to handle BUT being that I am a green rider … and being that Cruz had not been ridden much in the year or two before I had him … and given that he was a 7 year old OTTB with all the typical thoroughbred quirks and goofiness … I was afraid to get on him.  In equestrian circles there is a saying:

Green + green = black & blue  

This was a wreck waiting to happen.  Add to the fact that Cruz had a strong aversion to getting in the trailer, this made it difficult to go anywhere and get help to work through these things.  And so he sat in the pasture just munching grass and looking pretty.

Last summer I came to realize that I had to make a decision: either get on and ride him or sell him to someone who would.  To figure out the answer to that question, I had a more experienced rider give him a 'test drive' and wonder of all wonders, he was a total DREAM for her! A.maz.ing.  So I mustered up some courage, rounded him up into the trailer and off we went to start our own journey of lessons and learning.  Eight months later, this is where we're at.  He has not been without his moments, he challenges me (the leg yields and side passing in the video were not what I was asking for, that's his "go-to" move when he's anxious or wants to get out of doing what he's supposed to!) and many-a doubts and fears have had me question the wisdom of swinging my leg over that saddle.  But over time I have come to realize that he's actually pretty honest and if I just trust him, he won't disappoint. (I should add that I have two really excellent coaches who are enthusiastic cheerleaders and super supportive of all their students!  That makes all the difference!)  And a few riding lesson 'a-ha' moments have carried over into other areas of my life.  Its cheaper than therapy!  Ok, that's a lie … its actually pricey as hell … but worth it for the sheer enjoyment I get after a successful ride.

That brings me back to the video upload.  I hope to upload more pictures and videos with some commentary about the life lessons that my horses have given me.  I like to brag about my guys and show them off … but there is a bigger picture purpose to all of this.  Its not all fun and games.  Ok, that's also a (white) lie, its mostly about the fun and games.

The quality of the video is quite poor, the sound is beyond poor (iPhone 6: I'm lookin' at you!)  The man behind the camera is always gracious enough to sit through all my boring activities with nary a complaint so I can't be too hard on him for the crookedness or the finger on the lens.  Next time I'll get him a chair and a tripod :-)

And now for a few more shameless pictures of my critters :-D ...

The Suprising Power of Small Habits and The List of 25

I just did a very interesting, very eye-opening exercise based on this video …




This is James Clear, an expert in habits and behavior, not to mention a super-talented presenter. Starting at about 29:15, he talks about priorities and goes through a story about Warren Buffet and his pilot. Essentially, the exercise he spells out goes like this:

1. Write out your top 25 priorities for the next 25 years … or 5 years or whatever timeframe you want and one could break it down into specific aspects of life (career, family, personal finances, etc.)

2. Circle your top 5.

3. Numbers 6 though 25 are your "never do under any circumstance" list.

I thought this would be a very interesting exercise, I think I may be a classic 'multi-prioritizer' (if that's even a word?) I *definitely* have a tendency to get deep in the weeds, particularly when I want to hide from something (which most people will recognize as procrastination.) I have been described as a "linear thinker" and a "dot on the wall" person ... I think that both of those things mean the same thing: I can only focus on one thing at a time. So too many priorities is not great for someone like me.

So I started brainstorming my list of priorities. I chose the next 5 years as my timeline and I did not distinguish among the different areas of life (physical, mental, spiritual, financial, career), just one big list of everything rattling around in my brain today.

And here it is:

Behold the list!

Wow! That's a lotta stuff! I think there might be more than 25 items there???  No wonder I can't focus!  There are some things on there that are remnants of past aspirations, some things more suited to my younger self and are not so important to my today-self. Some of these are things that I feel like other people might like from me. Some are just downright frivolous. These things can be erased right now. So long suckas!

Voted Off the Island:

Golf, kayaking, guitar, piano (musical endevours in general) … all things that would be 'nice' to be better at. But I have been trying to get better at a lot of things over the past decades and have stalled out a level of mediocrity that I don't seem to have the will to push through. In particular, music was at one time a big part of who I was … but it has not been tugging at my soul strings the way it once was.

Climb Mount Kilimanjaro: this has been on my radar for a number of years and is still something I will do. Its unlikely to happen in the next 5 years so for now it will be transferred to the 'incubate' list.

Calculus. My University nemesis. I fought with it daily for most of my degree (which I ultimately did not finish) and have never totally given up on mastering that skill. In fact, finishing my University degree has popped into my imagination from time to time. A chance to finish what I started. Put it to bed once and for all. To say I may have lost the battle but won the war. *sigh* This one is relegated to the 'that ship has sailed' list.

Learn to paint. Not even sure where this one comes from? I think I saw in a glossy magazine one time, an artist's studio that I fell in love with. The fanciful idea of sitting for a whole day, just me and my canvas, lost in the colour, the form … ah, that's the life for me. Except its not.

Amateur astronomy: I bought a telescope at an auction sale about a year ago. Don't know how to use it but it would sure be neat to look a the moon and the stars from my little ol' corner of this planet. I'm going to keep the telescope (because it is hours of fun … frugal fun) but I won't be taking out any books from the library or joining any clubs or anything.

Grow my hair long again. Believe it or not, this takes effort. I've known for a long time that I always feel better when I have a good haircut, its kind of a personal rule. I loved my long hair back in the day. I also liked the ease of short hair. But once in a while I get the inkling to go back to having long locks. The problem is to get back to long hair, I need to endure the intolerable 'in-between' phase where it looks and feels crappy all.the.time! Not worth it. I have an appointment for next week to go short again.

Feeling a little bit liberated having released myself from some of these. I feel lighter already! Free-er.

The Next Round of Cuts:

Learn to weld. I have a vision of myself creating giant metal sculptures from bits and bobs and horseshoes and such. I just love that genre art! And it would use up some of the scrap metal that's laying around this place. But alas, begrudgingly, I have to whittle down the list so this must move to 'incubate' status.

Fluent in a second language: I feel pretty strongly that Canadians should make an effort to learn our other official language and make an effort to learn at least a few words of an indigenous language. As well, I was quite proud of my Arabic studies when I lived in Dubai but since I have not kept it up, I am sad to say I have lost most of it. My Arabic dictionary will remain in a bin in the closet … along with my "French for Dummies" and that book of Spanish verb conjugations.

Scuba diving and cross-country skiing: Two activities that I thoroughly enjoy. However, being in a land-locked province where snow exists for a scant few months of the year, its not practical to try and pursue these with any great zeal. Vacation and recreation ideas?  Yes.  Willing to dedicate time, energy and dollars?  No.

Build my heart home and build an indoor riding arena. These ones really pain me to erase, I REALLY want both of these. But the reality is that I can't afford either of them at the moment and in order to get into a position where I can afford them … well, there's a few other things that need to happen first. So more on that later. Besides, there are already 3 other riding arenas within a 5 minute drive of my home and another 3 within 15 minutes. This area is NOT underserved for winter riding options! And I already have an outdoor arena that I don't use as much as I should.  So there.

Here's a gratuitous picture of my (latest) heart house:

(Love love love this house! There is a REALLY cool 3D tour of the whole property on the Matterport website … somewhere … but I can't find it now. When I do, I'll post the link. But I digress. Back to the list …)

Be a good volleyball player. This one is like letting go of a little piece of me. My circle of friends for most of my adult life has revolved around volleyball. At one time I wasn't half bad as a player. Many good times. But times change. The volleyball scene in this town is different and I have come to admit that I don't enjoy it much here. My skill level has dropped, this frustrates me. For the last few seasons I have played on two teams, I enjoy the people and the comradery. But dedicating 2 week-nights to an activity that is only marginally fun, I need to rethink that.

This round of cuts required a deep breath, required some letting go. Letting go of some things that, frankly, I don't want to let go of. I am trusting the process and wielding the eraser … but this is not fun anymore.

Choosing A Few Items to Stay:

Just to change it up, I selected a couple of items that are definite keepers. Things that I know are top-5.

Financial Independence on my own terms: I've blogged about this lately and this as a priority is starting to take shape. I am quickly seeing that I am NOT where I thought I was and I need to make some changes (read: frugality!) if I am going to arrive at the 5-year mark and actually be where I want to be. (The "on my own terms" part needs a bit more thoughtful reflection in order to articulate it; the subject of a future post.)  The heart house and the riding arena are the carrots at the end of this stick. A very long stick.

This F.I. goal brings a couple of other list items under its umbrella, most noteably, "Be an expert at my job." I like my job.  It pays fairly well.  Upper management genuinely cares about their people (they emphatically insist that one take their holiday time (all of it!) as time off to rest and rejuvenate.) All that being said, I need to have a 'Plan B', a safety net. And having a job is the lynch pin to achieving 'Plan A' (the F.I. plan.) As such, "Be an expert at my job" is a sub-goal. Writing a book/blog, building my 'Ag-biz', learning to cook, these are also sub-goals -- non-job ways to balance the F.I. equation in my favour. Am I violating Warren Buffet's rule #3? … ummm, probably.

Health, fitness, strength, vitality. Fight ageing. I saw this video several years ago and it inspired me …

I want to be her. Well, maybe not a body-builder per-say … and not too sure about waking up at 2:30am every day … but I like what she is doing for herself. (Come to think of it, my very own Grandma was pretty inspirational into her late-80's!) I want to be in my 70's (or beyond), happy and free, nothing in the world troubling me. In my mind, this is "future-me" … except that "today-me" has not done much of anything to get me on a path to realizing this! A 6-week "cross-fit for dummies" class and a bit of yoga, both things I enjoyed, neither one has converted into a full-time habit. And with that big round birthday that just whizzed past me, this ageing thing is starting to be a real thing.

(Confession: Several things that I scratched off this 'priorities' list … they are not really gone from the list! They're just taking on a different dimension. Triathlons, cross-country skiing, good cooking … these are now "sub-goals" to the larger "fitness and health" goal. Another shameless violation of Buffet's Rule #3.)

Having a good relationship with DM is definitely Top-5.  Nuff said. I sometimes have to remind myself to make him a priority, be a better listener, give more than I take, give him credit when its due, give him a hug when he looks like he needs it.  I think we are both happy with the way things are right now; I would sure like for that to continue so I need to do my part.

Stripping Away the Layers:

Developing a mindfulness practice has been on my mind for a very long time, at least two decades. I have tried to get on this bus many times but it has never ended up anywhere … or rather, it always seems to end up where it started.  My idea of mindfulness as a goal is a bit ill-defined; it encompasses a lot of other list items. If I can improve on and possibly master the skill of mindfulness, SO MANY other things in life will fall into place! Being a good friend, being well-informed and thoughtful, making my home a sanctuary, being tidy and organized … these are all bad habits (and there are more where these came from!) that can be addressed one by one as part of the practice … so not a violation of Rule #3 I say.

I feel pretty strongly about volunteerism. I get a good deal of satisfaction from it. Adventure travel has brought me great life-points in the past. However, as the list winds down, I have to make tough choices. I guess that's the point of the exercise. (The 'incubate' list is getting to be very long!)

So What's Left?

To round out the top-5, "Be a good horse trainer and rider." Wha…? Keep the horses?!  This seems a little odd dontcha think? But its not. Let me explain: this winter I invested in riding lessons and boarding my Cruzy so I could continue to build on the progress I made last summer. Expensive, yes. What I came to realize is this: there are many life lessons to be learned from my horses. Many moments of self-awareness and self-reflection came from atop a semi-synthetic saddle mounted 16.2 hands above the dirt. And the real possibility of eating said dirt, well, I learned a thing or two about life and fear and myself. Horses don't lie. They hold up a big mirror (figuratively, of course, they don't have opposable thumbs) and show you EXACTLY what you are doing and who you are. I have started on this journey of learning with both my big beautiful geldings and I see so many life-lessons still to come. They're too expensive to be an idle hobby so they need to be a priority or they need to go. And honestly, I am not ready for them to go.  You WILL be seeing more of them in future posts.

The Final Cut:

Here it is. The list of priorities in for the next 5 years. In order of importance …

In theory this is all I need to think about for the next 60 months.  Five simple goals.  Five years.  They say that people over estimate what they can accomplish in a day and underestimate what they can achieve in a year. We shall see how true that is come year 2024!

Peace.

The Piles of Indecision

Clutter is just a collection of decisions not made

I don't actually remember when or where I came across that quote but when I read it, it resonated. At the time my kitchen table was unrecognizable as a kitchen table. It was a mounded heap of indecision that was spilling over onto the chairs! A disaster zone. The good news is that I was embarrassed by it every weekend when my Sweetie came to visit, so embarrassed that one Thursday evening before he got here, I bit the bullet and in about an hour that sucka was gone. We can now eat meals at the table like normal people.

The bad news is that … the pile just basically migrated to a new location in the house. A few token pieces of paper made their way into the recycle bin and the shredder, just enough to make myself feel good about having done something. The remainder amalgamated itself with another heaping pile of indecision in the next room to make one super-sized pile of crap. This is now my office …

If my kitchen table was a disaster, my office is now a full-on zombie apocalypse. The consequence of years of indecision, unopened mail, filing that I never seemed to have time for and a decade's worth of collecting receipts (just in case; there was that ONE TIME when I was glad I saved it you know!) Yeah, not proud of it. Yet there it is.

(True story: While sorting though a handful of random unfiled papers, I re-discovered an RRSP account that I had totally forgotten about. It was opened when my previous employer started an RRSP matching program and I happily jumped on board to collect the 'free' money. When I left that job, I promptly forgot about it. Yup, forgot about my money. Like really! Who does that?!)

And there are others! The piles are not just financial in nature! Photo albums. Boxes of photos (that will one day be in albums.) A guitar (learning to play guitar is on my life 'to do' list.) A box of tea-lights from Ikea from circa 1997 (not exaggerating!) I like books, several bins of those around including one full of old University text books (one day I will crack open that calculus text and wrestle that beast to the ground.) Birthday cards. Christmas cards. Wedding invitations. Baby announcements. Scuba gear. Skis (cross-country and down-hill.) A lovely wine rack that I bought at an auction sale (but has yet to see an actual bottle of wine.)  And a laundry basket of items destined for the thrift store donation bin.

The piles also congregate in the kitchen in the form of dirty dishes, leftovers, a collection of mis-matched coffee mugs, a juicer on loan from my Mom and a caselot of chick peas (they were on sale so its OK!)

And the digital piles (e-clutter … its a thing!) More photos (but now they're digital.) Memes. USB sticks. High-8 video cassettes. CD's. Outdated software. Apps on my phone that I can't seem to uninstall. Partially edited videos and blog posts. Not sure where to save something? Save it to the desktop and move it to a folder later.

Then, there's the garage. Or should I say the black hole where power tools and garden implements go and are never seen or heard from again … especially when ya need them!

And honourable mention goes to the stuff that comes from other people in the form of gifts, collectibles and (mostly) well-intentioned memorabilia. Things that can't easily be tossed, sold or regifted without hurting someone's feelings.

(True story: When I moved to my acreage, a number of things came with the place; some were useful, some not as much. There was a porta-potty that I really had no intention of ever using and as such, I sold it an auction sale for $60 … much to the dismay and disappointment of the former owner of said porta-potty. The decision to ship the shitter was a no-brainer for me, it was just an awkward conversation having to explain myself.)

Why do I tell you about this embarrassing side of myself? It is a cautionary tale. A real life example of how compounding can work for you but it can also work against you; in the same way that consumer debt is like borrowing money from your future self, delayed decision-making steals time and mental energy from your future self. And future time is more valuable than today-time.

And what does this all have to do with my recent insight into frugality as a means to F.I.R.E?

It seems that Frugality and simplicity go hand in hand. Frugality is mindfulness of how one manages their money. Simplicity is mindfulness of how one manages their physical and mental space. They complement one another when they are in balance.  But when one or the other gets out of whack, the resulting discord manifests itself as wasted time, wasted energy, inefficiency, missing money and as actual, physical piles of crap around the house. The clutter of decisions not made disrupts simplicity.  And in that environment, frugality cannot thrive!

So the piles if indecision must go. As my ex-boyfriend used to say, "If they don't pay rent, let'em fly."  (mind you, when he said that he was usually referring to his farts.  True story.)

Lost and Found

Contrary to the title of this blog, sometimes those who are wandering ARE lost. Back when I was keeping up on this blog, I had things to say, anecdotes to share, photos to upload. Life back then was interesting (at least in my mind it was!) I can’t say as my meandering through life had any real destination but I was actively collecting experiences and squirreling away little skills and tidbits of information with the notion that someday, one day, at some point all the pieces would fall into place. And I was content with that. I was OK. I was young. Time was on my side.

But then a funny thing happened: contentment became complacency. Youth became middle-age. OK became ho-hum. An interesting toodle along the path of life started to feel more like an undefined journey with no clear ending and kinda pointless. Unfocused. Boring. Soul-crushingly bland. And the clock started ticking.

I coasted along in a state of torpor for a number of years. Occasionally a fleeting little voice would some times whisper from somewhere just out of sight and ask, "Is this all there is?" But in the flurry of deadlines, bill payments, resumes and hurriedly running from one obligation to the next, it was usually told to wait just a bit longer, now was just not a good time for that.

And so the blog languished. Truth be known, I did not feel like I had anything interesting to say or share. My Facebook wall is a steady stream of quick updates and adorable pictures of my critters and meme's and whinging about this or that or the weather. Nothing of substance really. Nothing terribly thought-provoking. Nothing controversial. Nothing worthy of the effort it would take to fire up blogger and type it out. From time to time I tried to scrape together a thought or two to post on here but alas, my desire to write anything at all faded away and along with it, my poor neglected blog. And besides, the process of recovering my password took more brain power than I had.

So I bumbled along just living. And surfing. Mindlessly. I spent a lot of time on Facebook and YouTube and food porn and news and any website that happened to catch my attention du jour. I told myself I was doing research and that it was all useful information that I might be glad I read up on one day. It was a bad habit -- both the surfing and the tendency to zone out when there was something that I really did not want to face. It was a way to hide.. What was I hiding from? There are probably a number of things lurking just under the surface, I am aware of some and others are more illusive.

On one of my mindless surfing expeditions, I randomly came across a video on YouTube by a man who retired at the age of 36 and has been sailing the world for the last 20 years. Whaaaa…? You can DO that? Just quit your job and still have a fun life? He calls it the Economy of Enough.

Frugality. Who knew?! (probably a lot of people … but that's not really a word that's been in my vocabulary until now!)

What he is talking about is the concept of F.I.R.E. -- Financial Independence Retire Early. Except he did this before F.I.R.E. was a thing and he's not some young kid shouting and gesticulating about how EASY it is to get rich quick!!! (some of the FIRE/get rich content out there is … umm, well, hokey.) This is just a regular guy telling you about the choices he made and how he lives his life now. Basic, down to earth advice. Take it or leave it, you decide. Its a big deal but its achievable.

The Economy of enough boils down to two things:

Number 1: Understand your goals.

Come up with a plan and stick.with.the.plan. Decide what makes you happy. Choose something that's actually achievable, something that excites you. Choose wisely, you only get to make this choice once.

Number 2: Commit to making daily choices that will let you get to your goal.

Little everyday choices can make a huge difference. Do things different than everyone else, you have a different goal. Live an intentional life. Live on your own terms. Live lighter on the world.

At one point he says, "I want to encourage you, regardless of your age, to live your best life." That really does sum up the whole point of his video and encapsulates the essence of his message.

After watching his video a number of times it became apparent that what might be missing in my life was focus and independence. Living a good life was always on my bucket list, my vision board for "someday", but there was never a real goal or plan. And I don't have the best track record of sticking to my plans even when I did have one! And I definitely did not have the courage to stray off beaten path; I am a 'colour inside the lines' kind of person. But I have a new vision of what's possible with a few changes in how I live and a different goal in mind.  The pieces are falling into place.  I may still be wandering but I've found a roadmap. I just need to find my version of 'enough' to know where that road is going to lead.

I don't feel quite so lost anymore.

And the strangest thing is happening: I now have something to say. Something to share.  And with that, the joy of writing is making a come-back and in this newly minted frugal lifestyle, writing costs nothing!

Update:

I am super stoked that he is doing a series of follow-up videos:

An Intentional Life: A How-to Video

I came across this video this morning.  Most "How to retire young …" blurbs are just thinly veiled attempts to sell you something and are short on substance.  This one is different!  Its refreshingly un-commercialized and packed with actionable and common sense tips.  My kinda video.

Emily & Clark's Adventure

Enjoy!
PZ

K, I have to turn off YouTube and get back to work.  The 'Freedom 35' ship has sailed for this poor rat-racer but there's still hope for freedom ... at some point in the future.

Video test ... and a little throw back to Lilly's puppyhood

Just testing the video upload format

Always interesting to see how their little personalities are formed from day one.  She's almost 5 now and still the same!!!

Hate it when I has the dumb

So, yesterday I had the dumb at work.  I don't want to say what I did.  Wasn't a complete disaster but was indefensible. I had no excuse. It didn't go unnoticed. I made an attempt to apologize but it came out sounding meek, weak and feeble.  I hate when I do dumb stuff.

That.is.all.

The Struggle Bus Revisited

So, I'm feeling a bit bad about something I did a while ago that (possibly?) broke copyright law.  I used an image that I grabbed from another blog on one of my posts back in 2015.  At the time, life was sucking eggs and the "struggle bus" image kinda summed it all up.  In cleaning up some old comments and spammers recently, I came across an anonymous comment linking to someone's Flickr account and there it is. Indeed, it appears to be copyright.  Apparently the author is named Steven Rosenow.

I tried to comment there about my bad move but apparently I need to have a Yahoo account to do that (which I don't have and don't want.)  I also tried to email the guy through the Flickr page but again, Yahoo foiled that.  So I shall have to do a bit more digging to contact him and I am posting it again in the hopes that word gets back to that fine photographer that I am truly sorry I stole his intellectual property and humbly ask permission to leave it up with credit where credit is due ... or I will take it down if he so desires.

As an aside, I still ride the struggle bus once in a while as does everyone who is a human.  But the bus I ride these days is a short one and with comparatively few bumps in the road.  Back in 2015 when I made that original post, the struggle bus felt like it was long and it was careening down a crazy, winding road with no headlights and I would never get off. Thankfully it turned a corner and things are motoring along smoothly :-)

Cheers!

Everest Challenge 2018: Ground Zero

"One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time." ~ John Wanamaker

Several years ago I worked with some back-country, outdoor enthusiast types.  They were in the midst of an inter-office fitness competition, the Mount Everest challenge.  None of them climbed Mount Everest literally (as far as I know although some of them could have conceivably done that, very fit and dedicated athletes they were!); it was basically a stair climbing challenge.  Someone had calculated the number of steps from the ground floor to the top of the building we worked in (8 stories I think) and the average height of a stair riser and computed the number of stairs it would take to climb the height of Mount Everest.  At various times during the day, my co-workers would lace up their runners and climb a bunch of stairs.  There was an internal website for participants to track their progress and see how everyone else was doing.  It generated a fair amount of competition and encouragement among the group and some friendly banter among the more dedicated ones.  That job was a temporary position so I did not get in on the stair-climbing fun and to be honest, I don’t recall all the details of the challenge (such as what was the prize for the winner!) but I always thought it was a neat idea and thought I would like to try it.

Its a new year with new goals and aspirations.  A few of the “to-do’s” on my 2018 list are health and fitness related: lose a little weight, get more fit, run a 10K in under 1 hour and improve my jump vertical (that one is not officially on the list but I have been embarrassed by my pathetically small vertical for a long time, like more than a decade.)  To reach some of these fitness goals in 2018, I am going to try and replicate the Everest Challenge.  I now work on the ground floor office and I live in a bungalow so climbing stairs doesn’t really work.  But I live right next to a big ass coulee that is about 30.48m (100 feet) deep.  The summit of Mount Everest has an elevation 8,850m.  That’s about 290.4 times higher than my coulee.

I have no idea how easy or difficult this may be so I’m going to keep it just this simple: count the number of times up the coulee.  If I decide to buy an altimeter at some point I may make it more precise.  If I am feeling ambitious I may pick a steeper route up the coulee or attempt the stairs on some of the pathways in town.  I will go as fast or slow as I feel like on any given day.  No calorie counting or weigh-ins or programs or tracking apps or intermediate milestones.  At the moment I don't have any accountability partners or competitors (except my dogs).  Just me and the coulee.  One step at a time.

The goal is to get to the summit of Mount Everest before the end of 2018.

Edit: for anyone who may not know, here is the Wikipedia definition for a coulee:

Coulee, or coulée (/ˈkuːleɪ/ or /ˈkuːliː/)^[1] is a term applied rather loosely to different landforms, all of which refer to a kind of valley or drainage zone.  The word coulee comes from the Canadian French coulée, from the French word couler meaning "to flow". The term is often used interchangeably in the Great Plains for any number of water features, from ponds to creeks.

Manifesto Notes: A Life of Excellence?

What does it mean to live a life of excellence? Does it mean I live the best that I can? What happens when I don't live my best? What happens when I fall off that wagon? Does that then mean I can no longer claim excellence? How do mistakes and learning fit into a life of excellence? Does every human being set their own bar height as to what is excellence for them? Maybe the bar of excellence for one person is different than for someone else? How do I know if I have set the bar at the right height for me? Have I set my sights too high or too low? How does one deal with the judgements of others who's vision of excellence is different? Do they have the right to judge my vision of excellence in my own life? Do I have the right to judge theirs? Or is it more of a responsibility? Have I really achieved excellence if no one recognizes it? How do I deal with my own judgement of other people's vision of excellence? What if I can't even recogize my own excellence?  Does the acknowlegement of excellence by myself or by others change how it manifests? Does shining a light on it change it? Is excellence an internal thing, an external thing or both? To what end would I want to even embark on such a journey? What's the goal? Is it a goal or is it more of a journey? Or a point on a continuum? A set of habits? Can one's vision of excellence change over time? Does it appear differently depending on current circumstances?  What is the actual definition of excellence? Does one need to reach excellence in all aspects of life in order to claim it or can one achieve excellence in only some areas while other areas remain subpar? What is the opposite of excellence? Why strive for excellence anyway? What if the pursuit of excellence diminishes ones enjoyment of their life? Have I really accomplished anything if a constant pursuit of excellence leads to feelings of failure, anxiety, fear, pressure, insecurity, lack of confidence, paralysis? What happens when one's psyche gives in to those feelings of failure and gives up on the pursuit completely? What does a life without excellence look like? What does excellence feel like? Who among us has successfully lived an excellent life? Presumably excellence and perfection are not the same but in what ways are they different? In what ways are they the same? What if I did manage to achieve excellence, what then?

How does one actually go about answering these questions?

And what does all this have to do with dog hair?

Tis the season for Christmas parties.  And to be perfectly honest, I am not a fan.  Small talk, remembering people’s names, laughing politely at jokes that are not funny, standing around looking like I have no friends … all super uncomfortable and I’ve been known to bail out on an invitation simply because I don’t want to do it.

There are some kinds of parties that I’ve come to grips with:  drinks with the team after volleyball, usually fun.  Visiting my Sweetie’s family, a nice time.  I even enjoy my own family gatherings now more than I did in my younger days.  If I see a familiar face or two, I can manage.  When I have a specific reason for being there, I can work with that too.  But work related, smoozy, networking deals … NOPE.  Not.my.thing.

Today there was a work-related lunch invitation that I was kind of obligated to attend but I REALLY did not want to go.  

I haven’t been with this company for very long but no one else from our office was available so I was flying solo.

It was for a project where my involvement is recent and peripheral.

Most of the other attendees are men.

My other projects have deadlines and tasks that need my attention today.

The whole thing was just awkward.  And in true cowardly fashion, I bailed.  Not proud of myself. 

One of these days I shall have to explore the reasons why I find this to be such an insurmountable challenge. I’ll need to hurry though, there is another company party this coming Friday.

Tower Tour: Passive House scaled up

In light of my recent transition back into the field of Architecture, I am resurrecting my 'Tower Tour' series that I started when I lived and worked in Dubai.

While I did not work on these projects, I have become more and more interested in energy efficiency, sustainability and building practices which lead me to click on this CBC article:

Passive House Highrises

Passive House Canada

During my time as a building inspector, the latest Alberta Building Code came into effect with some new energy efficiency requirements. As an inspector, I didn't really have the time nor the tools to fully explore this and I relied heavily on consultants.  I am embarrassingly uninformed about the Passive House but I had heard of it a number of years ago and I believe that, while not directly 'Code-related', the end goal of both are probably similar.

On a personal note, I am almost out of propane at the acreage and the last time I had it filled, it was unexpectedly expensive! Ridiculously so. The price of propane had more than doubled since the fill before and I spent several months chipping away at that invoice and groveling on the phone every month when the propane company called about my overdue balance.  I hate overdue balances and I hate groveling.

I have been casting around for a new project, something to get excited about, something that is "bucket list worthy."  Here's where the world's largest scrap-book of unrealized dreams comes in: Pinterest.  I've gotten into a bad habit of mindless binge surfing, however, in one of these totally unproductive Pinterest episodes, I stumbled across a cute little house design that checks off quite a few of the acreage dream-house boxes (more on that in a future post ... and more on the pointless binge surfing.)

So circling back to the Passive House: I started casually working on plans for an energy efficient, affordable acreage dream house.  Casually.  Very casually.  An energy-efficient one that does not require propane.

Where does the time go?!

Oh dear!  Has it really been 2+ years since I last posted???  I have probably lost my subscribers ... all three of them :-(

None the less, the fun continues and I still remember my password so more riveting blog posts are in the works ... stay tuned!!!

Cheers xx

Starting to Exhale

I finally feel like things are starting to come back down to 'normal'.  I have lots of things on my "to-do" list but none are pressingly urgent.  I feel like I can take a bit of a step back and enjoy everything.

 

Some random pictures ...

 

 

 

 

The new digs.  Note the tree branch stuck up in the soffit just to the right of the satellite dish.  The house movers backed it into a big-ass tree while removing from the other place (grrr!)  Not good for the house or the tree! There were a few annoyances and tense moments during the move but in the end it got moved and as time goes by, I'm more and more happy with the decision.  Skirting is pretty high up on the aforementioned "to-do" list.

Lilly and Diesel having a lazy Saturday afternoon nap on the small couch.

A crazy thunderstorm went through here last week and produced the most perfect and complete rainbow I have seen in a very long time (if ever)!  It was amazing.  One of those moments when I wished I had a real camera but I doubt even that would have captured it.  A sign from the powers that be that everything is going to be alright.

This guy snoozing, snoring and snorting in his sleep.  Was very cute.

My big guys enjoying their supper.  The pasture has not had any grass to speak of since spring so twice a day they get a bit of a supplement and they clean up every last morsel ... which is a good thing because there is not an abundance of hay this year, no room for waste!

Kitty all snuggled into the bedding on laundry day.

March Madness continues ... into Mid-July

Since my last post in March I have been SUPER busy and was (basically) without my computer for a while, which makes blogging a bit inconvenient.

Here are a few of the highlights of what's been happening in the last few months: in a nut shell, March Madness has lasted four and a half months ;-)

Started my new job in Feb and coming up on my 6-month review.  Its challenging but things are coming along.  I have gotten good feed back, I think they will keep me around which is a big relief.

Sold my house in town.  That process is always a little stressful but in the end I was more or less satisfied with where things ended up.

Moved into a dumpy old fifth-wheel trailer at the acreage which was smelly, leaky and once I moved in I decided I didn't trust the electrical system to NOT light itself on fire.  But it fit my budget and as a temporary home, it was tolerable ... barely.

Had my 'new' double wide trailer moved onto my little piece of paradise.  Other than a week's delay and then the actual move taking 2 days longer than expected, that went fairly smoothly.

Indoor plumbing ... argh!  I've been without running water since I moved into the fifth-wheel in mid-May, which I expected and planned for when I decided to go that route, and for the 2.5 weeks since the house was moved.  Getting the water supply system to work has been a real lesson in problem solving and patience!  It started with about 1000 gallons of wasted water (due to my own dumbness) and required a back-hoe ($$$), numerous visits by the plumbers ($$$), a new underground line to the house ($$$) and a zillion hours of futzing around ($#*^!) BUT ... its finally working!  I have now tested every water using appliance and fixture in the house, everything is as it should be ... insha'allah.  The invoices will be rolling in this week. and I shudder to think what all this has cost but it is what it is now.  I'll just pay it off and carry on with life.

I had a number of tests done on my enlarged thyroid and it was found to be benign and it does not seem that I will need any treatment for it for now.  Which was fantastic news.  I will be monitored closely to make sure that doesn't change and in the mean time, I am really trying to change to a "thyroid friendly" diet to encourage it to not grow any more nodules.

I took Cash to a bomb-proofing clinic.  Truth be known I never would have done that if I hadn't been relentlessly "encouraged" into doing it. I was not feeling very brave since I have not ridden since last year where I managed to humiliate myself in front of all the Search and Rescue equine team.  I finally rationalized that if I am going to get back on and if there's going to be a disaster, might as well do it where there is professional help solve any issues and people around to call 9-1-1 if it comes to that.  But much to my surprise, Cash was amazing!  He loaded into the trailer straight away on Saturday morning and that set the tone for the rest of the weekend.  He barely batted an eye at the obstacles, he walked over under around through anything I pointed at him, he responded to my queues perfectly and I'm quite sure my queues were less than perfect.  The clinic was a huge success for us and a huge leap forward in my mental block to getting on and riding him.  There is hope for Cash and I :-)

That's it for now.  Photos to follow and more regular posts now that life is starting to settle back into a less busy routine.  Its Monday and I need to get to work ...